How to Live a Balanced Life

Posted on August 20, 2019 by Vania

It’s butterfly season right now, and this summer brings a happy supply of them where i live. As they are an anchor for me, I’ve been working on creating a tool with the butterfly as the inspiration. I love the quote from Rupi Kaur that reminds us that ‘growth is a process that takes time’. Indeed, strength is necessary for a caterpillar to become a chrysalis and then to transform and push out of cocoon. The metamorphosis of the butterfly is the perfect display of the rite of passage we all go through.

Some of us go through it more gracefully or intentionally, while many of us struggle as we did not have the best models of this sea change.

As a therapist, i am also a work in progress. I am my own wellness or resilience coach – I work hard to create my version of a balanced life by making a point to bring joy in, taking care of myself, as well as keeping myself connected to others. After reflecting on my own journey, i noticed an intuitive path that i took. With this in mind, i created this worksheet as a guide to help you.

I love Wheel of Life tools that highlight the various parts of us. The wheel is similar to the 6 Dimensions of Health Wellness: emotional, occupational, physical, social, intellectual, and spiritual. It was created to help people see the need for balance in this various realms. Reading this list, can you notice where you might need to make some changes? Did anything surprise you?

In order to build our capacity when we’re faced with challenges, we also need to appreciate wonder and awe, moments of pleasure and joy. That’s hard to do if you can’t know what gives us this sense of pleasure.

The resource I created is similar to the wheel, and a bit unique as it breaks down the parts into the holistic trifecta of Mind, Body and Soul (sometimes referred to Spirit).

I believe this balance is even more sacred now. I don’t think of the pillars of wellness as separate parts of our Self, but all 3 are interconnected for our overall well-being. We can’t have one without the others. As social creatures, our nervous system has a social engagement system that also needs community and connection. That’s why I included ways to feel connected to others. Even when apart, we need community.

Think of these butterfly parts as a way to create more balance in your own life. Each part is integral to living well. So, the Antenna symbolizes the Soul; the Head is the Mind and mental health realm, and of course the Body represents the physical self-care we need to stay well. The 4 wings around it are for family, friends, work, and community. I call it The Four Wings of Connection. Add what you do that nourishes each part, and what you wish to add in order to create more balance. See what comes up, what’s missing, and what you’d like to add moving forward. We are our own experts, so get to navigate the way we live our life – what do you chose? Use the butterflies you see in nature as a guide – take time to slow down and linger in one place.

what the caterpillar saw as the end, the rest of the world saw as the beginning. lao tzu

This season is a perfect time to set some intentions – both for the rest of the year, and to honour your experience this past year. It also serves as a guide to help you live your life with more intention, a life that you love.

I’ve created a free 2-page PDF that you can print and work on yourself, Get a cup of tea, a nice pen and take some time to sit with this. Click here to get a copy.

Notice the Everyday Magic

Posted on June 10, 2018 by Vania

I’m not sure when i first heard the term “everyday magic” but it’s been something i am intentionally making time for lately. The concept of manifesting something is also trending right now, and i’m using the momentum of this trend as it is allowing me to combine my personal interest and tools into my therapy practice.

As someone who grew up with religious yet non-practicing parents, i had to find my own path to a spirital journey. I knew that the version my parents practised wasn’t the right fit for me, yet what was pulling me felt too different or ostracizing: As a teenage feminist I was constantly being pulled to stories of goddess or Wicca work.

Moving forward 25 years now and in the present, I am loving the balance of my every day practice, where I’m able to go deeper in the Wheel of Life practice in the spiritual realm. Including that side of me is a form of self-care. I know that now. For a long time I kept saying i wasn’t religious or spiritual, and I think a lot of that was because I couldn’t feel a fit for me. Now that more and more people are talking about concepts of everyday magic, tarot reading, crystals and moon worship, I feel more comfort and community in what has been tugging at me for so many years.

One tool that I love is this concept of manifesting a symbol in my everyday life, as it brings reassurance and confidence for something that I may be questioning or struggling with. In her book, The Universe has Your Back Gabby Bernstein talks about noticing an owl as her symbol. Here are some helpful strps to help you do this: has a few suggestions for picking your sign and co-creating with the Universe:

1) Be specific. Asking the Universe to show you something like “a butterfly” is too broad. Get specific about what you want to see – a blue butterfly flying past, a black cat curled up, the word “love” written down…the more specific, the more certain you can be that it’s a true sign from the Universe. It doesnt have to be something you see, but rather in a song or dream as well.
2) Ask for clear direction. Make sure you ask the Universe to send you the sign when you need it. For example, let me see a blue butterfly when I’m going in the right direction.
3) Accept when you don’t see your sign. Know that when you do not get your sign, you are being redirected to something better for you and all involved.
4) Try not to control the outcome. If you are trying to see a blue butterfly, and a white moth lands on your deck, that is not your sign. Be patient and wait for the right one. In this video, she does a great job in breaking down how do use this tool.

For me, my symbol of everyday magic is a butterfly. It may not be a surprise to you, dear reader, because I’ve spoken about butterflies in the past but let me give you some examples. Earlier this year, on a family trip to Costa Rica, I was walking through a beautiful forest with my son. My daughter was having a hard time with the heat and the amount of walking, so all of our energies and windows of tolerance were quite stretched. So my son and I kept walking on our own. Within minutes of me saying to myself I just need to be in the present and enjoy this sweet moment, a few butterflies fluttered by. They were those stunningly beautiful blue iridescent Blue Morpho butterflies. For a few years when I was a teenager I collected those framed dead butterfly artwork pieces and my very first one was a single Blue Morpho butterfly in a frame. Since these butterflies carry symbolism and sentiment to me, seeing them gently fly past me in this moment was so amazing I can’t even describe it to you. I actually didn’t even believe they existed in real life, nor did I ever expect to see them in March in this forest. Noticing them with my son definitely lifted my spirits and helped me stay present in the moment as well as bring me some joy and lift my spirits.

Recently when I attended a supervision session, I noticed for the first time, after year of attending sessions with my supervisor, a single Blue Morpho butterfly in a frame on the wall right inside the front door. I’m not sure why didn’t notice it before, nor why I noticed it at that moment but it helped to confirm for me that attending sessions with the supervisor is a good fit.

I shared a tool with you to encourage noticing and catching RAINBOWS. Can I tell you how often I now notice them now even when it’s not raining? So while this isn’t necessarily my symbol, it is something that I am taking a pause to notice. It’s helping me take a deep breath, be present in the moment, and confirm the every day magic in my life.

This article helps bring some daily practice in a gentle and meaningful way. Can you think of a symbol that can help you feel less alone, afraid or unsure? What ways can you bring more magic in your life?

The Resilient Butterfly

Posted on April 24, 2017 by Vania

“Perhaps the butterfly is proof that you can go through a great deal of darkness and still become something beautiful”

I’m not sure who the source to that quote is but i love it. And, i love butterflies. Not just because part of my name stems from the word butterfly, nor because they are pretty and whimsical – though both are true. But, rather, they are a perfect symbol of resiliency, vulnerability and exquisite risk.

I recently updated my logo to connect to this path that women take when finding themselves, re-finding themselves, and taking time to take care of themselves. The butterfly is you, and it’s perched on my name, as i feel like i am here to hold space for you while you are on this journey to heal. I act as a tool to help ground you, but really believe that you are doing the work yourself to heal, connect, move forward, and take risks. I am so honoured to be a part of this journey with you.

I like that the butterfly is perched and yet still in flight. Like she is ready to take off when needed, and to hold the power of her own safety and path. Very symbolic as it connects to our journeys in healing and being in therapy. It’s not by chance that i landed on this butterfly image. I had lovely and long chats with my pal who is a creative designer to get to this place that feels like it speaks to the work i do.

A few years ago, i attended a training on post-traumatic growth and resiliency. The presenter is a social worker from the States who shared more about the steps we take in order to heal and hopefully reach resiliency. She spoke of the butterfly’s journey from caterpillar to chrysalis to butterfly. To think of how such a fragile and yet strong creature can show such strength and resiliency!

Recently, Tara Brach posted a great podcast where she spoke about the exquisite risk people take when actively engaging in their vulnerability. I loved how she too connected the narrative of a butterfly and the path they take. She goes further to say it’s actually arrested development when we don’t take these risks in being vulnerable. Take a listen when you have a moment.

I’m starting to see the Spring moths and butterflies dance by me as i’m outdoors. I love to take a pause in what i’m doing to say hello and thank them for their trust in the world. I know that may sound cheesy, but their greeting is also a chance for me to slow down, take stock in my day, and to honour my own journey too.

Next time you see a butterfly, say hello!

(image above by From a drawing by W. I. Beecroft: THE SILVER-SPOTTED SKIPPER)