A Tiger Named Covid

Posted on April 30, 2020 by Vania

I’m a big fan of tigers, jaguars and panthers. I love how they live in a pack, are caring for the little ones, and are so tough. And yet they are used a lot as reference to the things our bodies fear the most. Have you heard the expression “your body is afraid of the tiger in the bushes?” We either flee them, play dead, or try to fight back. In today’s current global crisis, Covid has become that tiger. Our body prepares to keep us safe by bringing up times we were in harm’s way, similar to an alarm system. Our ancestors surely faced more dangerous tigers, and we still embody this primitive, reptilian reaction in our present life.

I’ve spent my career supporting others who are healing from trauma, both relational or developmental trauma as well as birth trauma. I’d like to think I know a few things about how to help others heal. In fact, I am so passionate about helping people heal from their past trauma and believe that they can. I have gone through my own experiences of trauma and pain. And yet, I have never gone through a pre-traumatic event with any of my clients or community.

None of us have.

This pandemic is the first collective trauma of this kind any of us in this lifetime has endured. Of course, some of us have endured other forms of trauma including relational abuse and war. Some of have faced institutional oppression, racism, and genocide. Some of us have ancestors who experienced violence and trauma and still are impacted by it – as well as us as our bodies have inherited that lived experience of trauma. In today’s pandemic, we may not be impacted by it in the same way, and yet we are all experiencing some level of pain from this global health crisis.

Our body and brain are experiencing some levels of stress. Some of us still have to leave their homes to work and that is anxiety-inducing. Some of us have family members who need to leave home to work and that is nerve-wracking. Others of us have to stay at home with someone who is abusive towards them, and they are in a constant state of activation. Others have lost income due to jobs that are no longer there, or have family who has been diagnosed with Covid19.

The current collective trauma is a re-traumatizing experience for those that experienced trauma in the past. Being stuck indoors reactivates the body’s reminder that it cannot leave and needs to flee in order to be safe. Some clients have shared with me that their former trauma is really resurfacing for them as their body recalls similar sensations as in the past trauma experience. Their bodies feel stuck, they can’t release their feelings, or feel like they are walking on eggshells in order to not cause a volcano explosion – their partners, theirs, or their children’s. A lot of us are just within or outside our Window of Tolerance of regulation.

We do not have to be trauma survivors to experience fear and trauma during this crisis. Double trauma is the new experience mixed with old ones, and peritrauma is the potential of becoming traumatized during this event. After all, trauma is defined as something too big, too much and too fast to bear. I know I am experiencing a lot right now that is too much and too fast to digest.

Trauma is an embodied felt sense after experiencing something hard we are not able to rebound from. Trauma lives in our body as well as mind so we need strategies that help both parts heal. This helps us move past a startle defense response that keeps trauma active in the body.
We are now past the initial “Honeymoon stage” of life temporarily in Quarantine and Distancing. Some of us have found some ways to imbed a new routine and others are feeling more activated by the ongoing pandemic and its impact on our everyday lives. We have the potential to bounce back after this experience, but the uncertainty of when it ends keeps us feeling stuck.

Our brain’s Central Nervous System is made up of 2 parts – the Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS) and Parasympathetic Nervous System (PNS). Our sympathetic nervous system helps us prepare for things and keeps us protected. You many have heard of the term “Fight or Flight” as reference to our body’s way of reacting to feeling unsafe and needing to either flee the tiger or fight off the tiger. Two more ‘f Words’ are Freeze and Fawn, which are at the other end of our brain’s way of responding to threat to safety. Each are an innate instinctual response to threat, as our body’s alarm system is activated to respond in a pre-determined way. We can’t typically change how we respond but we can lessen the impact and severity.

An embodied sense of trauma is not so much about what happened to us as how it lingers in our body, so we don’t need to talk about the event itself. Rather, what we need is having empathic listening, resources, and rest. We have an innate capacity to move through trauma, it just needs to be supported. It helps to have someone bear witness to us so that we don’t hold inside the trauma in absence of a compassionate witness. In my previous post, I shared ways to build this community so you feel less alone in your experience.

Trauma processing work doesn’t erase the trauma but rather minimizes how it grabs us. A main goal of therapy is to uncouple trauma-based emotions from the sensation that is stored in your body. This will then help you integrate the impact in your body as a memory rather than a real-life reminder in the here and now.

You can definitely do things in the here and now to lessen the impact of peri-trauma in your body. While therapy is a key support, it is not alone in ways to help yourself.

Things to do for you now “Without tools trauma rules”

We build resilience as we build our capacity to take care of ourselves after trauma. It may help to notice what your response is. Do you have a sense of this already? If not, this article may help a lot as it may be beneficial to sit with your thoughts as you reflect on times in your life where you reacted to something that upset you. Try not to think of something too big as it may make you re-live it, but rather a time when you were surprised and how your body responded.

For instance, I am a Freezer. I freeze when I am scared. My body feels stuck in place and my feet feel like they are frozen in ice. And not like Elsa. Let me share this story to paint the picture a bit better: my son fell down the stairs once when he was not even 2 years old. As he inched closer to the stairs, I noticed my alarm system react. But I felt stuck in ice or quicksand and could not move to rescue him. I screamed and responded to him when he was already at the bottom of the stairs. He was fine, and only bit his lip. Now, whenever he or his sister is at the top of any staircase, I recall this sensation in my body.

My son is a Fighter – even the lightest tickle will turn my son into a green mini-Hulk. He cannot bear the sensation, even if by accident and he will hit with fists to protect himself. My daughter is a Fawn who seeks closeness to us when scared, and also is more quick to bounce back and people please after a conflict.

Once you get a sense of the reaction in your own body, it makes it easier to know the tools, resources and exercises that help you in the here and now moment of your SNS kicking in. Here are some tips to help you when your Alarm system (aka SNS) is on and you can’t access the parasympathetic part of social connection or rest. Accessing these resources may help you get back into regulation during this pandemic.

Flight
* Go outside – take a drive, even your balcony, and look for nature prompts to stay in here and now. Play the 5 Senses Game to stay present.
* Walk around home space or go for a walk outside safely. Do a mindful walk or ecstatic dance and move your arms. Let your arms take flight as your reaction may feel stuck in the core of your body. Moving your periphery is very stabilizing
* Orient in the space around you with your eyes – move your head side to side to help you see different perspectives. This bi-lateral work is great for your brain to regulate.
* Do a sun salutation yoga sequence to get you flowing
* Breathe work – try a Self-Compassion Break exercise

Fight
* Roar like a Lion – Have an outburst of anger and scream as tension in your body gets stuck in the throat so breathing helps it be let out.
* Move your breath down to your belly – short breaths are connected to running, and we associate running from tigers. If we can breathe deeply then we are not scared. It sends a message to your brain that you are safe.
* Have a cool shower to regulate the heat that is rising with anger
* Run in spot then bring breath back, jumping jacks, box in pillow to get the anger out in a safe way
* Give yourself a small smile too as it loosens the tension in the jaw and sends a message to your brain that you are okay
* Push your hands against a wall, with your feet planted firmly on the ground
* Do some yoga Warrior poses

Freeze
* Warm UP – the felt sense of numbness, disconnection, chronic pain, disconnected from emotions needs warm so use a warm bath or blanket. Get your shoulders to feel the weight and warmth of it.
* Do some breathe work with the word Vooo to release some of the stuck energy.
* Body exercises like alternate foot step, progressive muscle relaxation, or playing catch with a ball helps your brain also get stimulated and distracted. This movement also warms your body up.
* Guided visualizations of a warm soothing place
* Lie against a wall and put your legs up the wall – this helps your flow and energy change and your heart beats more rhythmically.
* Find a restorative yoga class to follow online

Fawn
* Connect with others – join groups online or classes, or reach out to others
* Listen to podcasts to hear another voice in your home to decrease feeling of loneliness
* Heart breath work including placing your hands over our heart and breathing out more slowly than in but saying ‘shhhhh’ outloud
* Visualization of a happy memory activates estrogen, a bonding hormone
* We orient to others to engage so turn your neck and eyes from side to side, to seek out someone in a photo, the radio, on TV
* Write a letter to a loved one or look at photo albums
* * Give yourself a hug or get a hug from someone, try the Butterfly Hug. This helps slow down the stress hormone cortisol and slow breathing into your chest. Hug a pillow and breath out – we need to get to belly breathing here too

Not knowing when the trauma or fear is going to leave is what re-triggers the body in the here and now. Our brain stays stuck in the activated part to keep our alarm system on, but it works too hard and doesn’t know when to shut off. Kind of like that fire alarm in your home that doesn’t stop when the battery runs out. With any of these reactions, think of a part of you that needs to know it can move – feet, arms, orientation of periphery and tend to it. You can massage your feet, dance, move, walk around. Send lovingkindness, compassion, and gratitude to your body for being there to protect you.

Think of learning these resources like a way to enact a Nervous System bubble. In our current situation, think of things that are activating you. Is it wearing a mask? Is it seeing others in masks? Is it going to the grocery store? Or is it being stuck at home and unsure of what the future holds? Once you have somatic resources like these listed above, you are better able to respond to the need and titrate the sensation.

In previous posts, i have shared the concept of Titration; it allows us the experience of looking back at the trauma in the body but in a way that is controlled and not overwhelming. As we start to look at this, our body can resist and get overwhelmed because it’s been so used to holding back or stopping feelings from coming up again. So, pause and think of a more gentle memory. Slow down the overwhelm or anxiousness that enters your body but intentionally connecting to what you sense.

I love to garden and April is meant for planting seeds of intention, so having this affirmation handy may be a way of taking care of your heart too: you are the medicine for your own trauma. Dig deep for only you can make those wildflowers bloom again (source unknown)

Having a natural curiosity to explore your options to heal trauma is a key ingredient to heal. It may feel scary to do this work in this moment and yet staying with your feelings and doing somatic mindfulness work in the here and now is what will help your body know you are safe right now. Of course you are scared and overwhelmed – that makes so much sense with what we are living through right now. Give yourself the practice of self-compassion – speak to yourself about yourself with a kind heart, give yourself grace and patience.

Working Together

Posted on April 10, 2020 by Vania

During times of crisis, we need connection not distance. In order to stay healthy, our minds and body need to feel safe. So, while we need to remain physically distance in order to flatten the curve of this pandemic, we still need ways to feel interconnected. We are social creatures as mammals. While we know with a rational mind that we need to be safe (in this case, from the Coronavirus), we also know we feel safer when in closeness to others. Our pack mentality needs to be comforted. Throughout our life, we keep trying proximity-seeking actions in order to access our social engagement system which helps connect with our parasympathetic nervous system. Things like facial expressions, orienting, eye contact, speaking, or crying are very helpful to engage this part of you. As babies, these cues were the indicators of how we could attach to our caregivers.

Our brain is made up of three different systems, the survival defence system that activates flight or fight in the amygdala, the social engagement system that helps us feel connection and attachment, and our drive system that helps us find meaning in our world.

Over the next few weeks, I’m going to unpack these systems here. Hopefully it may give you some insight as well as resources. Typically, our reptilian brain for Defense is talked about first. Today, I start with social engagement and connection as we are embarking on a long weekend and our usual rituals with family are not available to us.

For some of us, we are not feeling as impacted by the need to stay home, nor the threat response that comes in our body. I’ve heard from clients who are making endless piles of masks to donate and sell, some have reconnected with friends and are playing games online together, and others have noticed they are happily surprised to see how far their healing journey has come, as they are not as triggered by this event as they expected to be.

The Social Engagement System is our Attachment to others. This system helps us know we are not alone in our struggle, and also find comfort if we need support. Not all of us had healthy securely attached relationships with our caregivers when we were young. Not only can it continue into our adulthood, it also can be healed. In another post, I’ll share more about how our various attachment styles are being triggered by this pandemic.

Also, as a trauma therapist supporting people who have experienced gender-based violence and intimate partner abuse, we know that this pandemic in our lifetime can be even more risky. Sometimes the actions of reaching out to others help us feel connected but other times they can make us feel unsafe – like when we need to Fawn to appease the abusive person who we are stuck at home with 24/7. If you are unsafe at home, find some resources that can help you create a personalized safety plan like code names for friends or window pictures for neighbours to call 911.

Most of our proximity-seeking needs were established as young children (in our first 3 years of life actually). Depending on the attachment style that was formed in your childhood to your caregiver, our need for closeness can carry mixed feelings for some. When we have secure attachments from childhood, we are better able to tolerate frustration and disappointment when physical closeness is not possible. With the experience of being regulated and cared for, we are able to regulate ourselves when we are alone.

In this context of being socially and physically distant, it helps us to access our social engagement system by finding ways to be close to others. Regardless of our attachment style, we all need some access to others to help our bodies and brain find comfort. Some of us have daily contact with family, some of us work at home but have regular check-ins with colleagues. Some of us are not safe at home with their families. All of us have some resource that helps us feel connected, though. Research shows that social networking increases happiness, reduces stress, and promote longevity after all!

For instance, is there someone in your life, either now or in your past, who was a support to you. Did you have a dance teacher as a teen who was especially nurturing and ‘saw’ you for who you were, do you have a neighbour who you know by name and you can see them in your backyard daily? Was there a pet dog who sat in your lap whenever you were sad as a child?

If so, they are your Recalled Resource. Find ways to hold on to that felt sense of connection. What is your memory of their voice, or smell, their favourite shirt, how it felt to be cuddled by them?

Here are some journal prompts that may help you expand on this memory:
1) Write down a short story of a happy memory from your past where you Recalled Resource was with you. What were your doing together?
2) Imagine that person in the room with you right now. Take you time to really sense their presence. Maybe they are sitting beside you as they did. Reflect on how your body feels being close to them.
3) Describe the thoughts, emotions, and body sensations and movements that come up when you recall this person in the space with you now. Has it changed how your body is feeling, is your posture different?
4) Can you create a movement in your body that helps you feel like their presence is connecting inside you? Do you feel their touch in a hug, or head on their shoulder? Do you sense that warm pet in your lap right now?
5) Write down this process for you. What came up for you? What was a surprise?

It may be hard to think of a person that you were this close to, be it because they are no longer in your life, or because you can’t see them now. Try to stay with the positive sensation to help your body and brain find comfort. That is what is healing for your need for connection in the here and now moment. Our Inner Critic brain may make it hard to access someone that you feel was ever close to you. Tell that brain to be quiet and keep searching. Someone is there, i promise.

I love the idea of having a village, so this is a good time to “revillage’’ intentionally. A great tool for this is the Circle of Support. I have been using this worksheet for years, helping others locate who they can turn to for help, and what help can be matched with a need. For instance, do you have a friend who you keep asking to listen to your fears, but you hate what they say in response? Maybe that friend is not the best fit for your needs. Is there someone else or something else (like a journal exercise) that is a better fit? Is there a neighbour who helps you smile and you share a hobby with? The need to be seen and understood can be so healing right now. Is there a crisis line or online therapist that you can access instead?

Click on this link to do your own personalized Circle of Support. Notice who you reach out for support, and if they have other supports in order for them to be there for you. For instance, i see a therapist myself so that i can continue being a support to others. I also need to know my partner is my rock so i can’t always hear what is scariest for him, but i also know that i am his support. So we agree to chat when we both can take it on, and ask for permission first. The different levels of closeness, trust and intimacy are key. See how small the Closest to Me circle is? Most of us have 1 or 2 people in there, if we are lucky. Some of us have a lot of community supports but they are not as close to you. My global community of Instagram pages i love and books i read are a big part of my social engagement satisfaction.

Polyvagal Theory has done wonders to help explain this need. Our Vagus Nerve has two sides, and the Ventral Vagus Nerve is the access point in helping us feel connected and rested. This nerve continues down the middle of our body, starting in the brain and face. So, it’s important to find ways to access this nerve in the body. As a somatic therapist, i also think it’s important to find ways to take care of the body from the bottom up when feelings of loneliness, stuckness, sadness, fear, isolation creep in. Some of us feel the pain in our body in our core area – our heart is heavy, or shoulders are bent over, our back aches, our throat is tight and it’s hard to swallow. In these instances, it’s good to think of things for your body to do on the periphery. The periphery of the body, arms and legs are used to achieve nearness – can you reach out to your loved one over video chat, can you hold your hands over your heart and smile as chatting with them on the phone? One simple resource is Orientating to the person. Even if they are not in the room with you, can you turn your neck to a photo of your family or friend, and reach out to it? Make ‘eye contact’ and smile at them. A smile sends a message to your brain that you are okay, and your jaw relaxes, which is a great way to access that glorious Ventral Vagus Nerve.

I love all the yoga and dance studios and practitioners who have offered online support. Even if you are a non-dancer or mover, find ways to tap your feet or sway your arms as you watch the class. We can feel united and connected when we know a community of people are joining together. Focus on the good parts of the experience, and tell your Worry Brain or Inner Critic to take a break, as you want to savour the moment.

It’s also important to find creative ways to separate the concept of Physical Distancing from Social Distancing. We need each other even more now. This lessens the overwhelm and also the comparison that my situation is worse than others. We are all in this together. Find simple ways to reach out daily to someone – your neighbour, the mail delivery (through your window or a thank you note), a call to an old friend. Write a love letter to a friend from your past. You don’t have to send it even. That connection can feel good in your body regardless. Make a card for a neighbour you haven’t seen to tell them you’re thinking of them. Send texts affirmations and links to songs to dance to together. Have a coffee or tea with them over video chat. Watch a show together and sync it up. So you don’t have spoilers!

Do you have a friend who is a new parent? Make them some food and drop it off at their house. Text them that you are there and stay on the curb or your car to wave from a safe distance. Write a love note in chalk wishing the new baby (or an older child too) Happy Birthday! Let them know they can call you any time any day. Are you a new parent? Ask for this kind of help – what do you need to help you even a bit?

Because i love community and supporting others, and also getting support, i started a group online for my friends both near and far. It’s there as a support to US during this global health pandemic. We share our feelings, worries, and support each other. We’ve shared some great resources like podcasts to listen to, yoga and dance parties, books and nervous system tools. It’s been so lovely to have weekly video dates seeing each other. If you want to join the Building Our Wellness Toolkits Community, send me an email – it’s a private group online but the more the merrier.

I’ve made a point to connect to friends and family more than ever. Even though I’m tired from the Mother Load of work, and am only getting outside to play catch with my kids, i still make a point to talk to friends and family online. This week, i danced with friends over Lizzo’s Good as Hell song, played a card game online, made funny faces with friends, and celebrated a young friend’s birthday on the curb. I have a yoga date with my sister, And video dates with family this weekend. I also danced with others to Twisted Sister’s We’re Not Gonna Take this and Tina Turner’s iconic song Workin’ Together. After all, if we work together on this, we’re not gonna take this Covid19 anymore. See what i did there?

We may be apart but we are not alone. We are in this together.

How to Soothe Yourself During Times of Crisis

Posted on March 18, 2020 by Vania

I know I’m not alone with having a lot of mixed feelings during this global health crisis. It’s times like this that I am grateful that my work choice gives me access to many tools for emotion regulation.

This week was supposed to be a gentle staycation with my kids, as it’s the start of March Break. Instead, we are home and needing ways to co-regulate.

I’m reminded of the importance of routine in our daily life, as it helps us foster the resilience that is in all of us. As I’ve written about before, children need 3 things to have the best chance of resilience – play, rest and access to feelings. I’d say that adults also need these.

There are many great exercises to help regulate ourselves during a crisis or in everyday stressful situations. Here I’ve collected some of the ones I know work because I do them for myself and my family.

Resource #1 Find time to Rest Play Feel
When was the last time you got to stay home and rest your body? Especially in this day and age where productivity is most valued, being told by those in power to stay home feels confusing, to say the least. Seize this opportunity to do less. Do not pressure yourself to do all the things every day this week. We need a relaxed and healthy nervous system so that we don’t stress our bodies. A body in stress is more susceptible to illness.

Instead of working and cleaning, running a home school and doing chores, play. Laugh, do a messy craft. Go to bed earlier. Talk to people about what worries you (make sure to ask them for permission to be slimed by your fears first). Dance to a good playlist. Eat good food (not just healthy but the good comfort food too). Write in a journal and process these thoughts. Find some free yoga or meditation classes online to help your body get to rest. And yes, do get outside! Nature is healing in so many ways, and the Spring that is sneaking up in my garden is a good reminder of resilience.

Resource #2 Connection
While we have been advised to social distance ourselves to keep us all as safe and healthy as possible, that doesn’t mean we can’t connect with others. Reach out to friends and families. I am so glad that I have a couple of chat groups that are keeping me connected – my peer consultation group that holds space for each other, and my friend group where we talk about what worries us, what angers us, and what confuses us. And it’s not always about the Virus. We compared favourite TV shows and how to keep our white laundry still white.

My children and I made cards for family, and will Skype call them this week and next. We cuddle with each other, read in the family bed, and we go outdoors where some trusted neighbour-friends also venture out.

When we know we are in community, we also then see that we are not alone in this fear of situation. When I worry about how to pay my expenses next month, I remind myself that everyone else is worried too. When I am struggling with my children squabbling, I can share this feeling with others and know that so many of us are in this together. That Shared Humanity is a crucial part of self-compassion work – we are stronger together!

Resource #3 Titrate Your Attention
We are getting all sorts of information and news about Covid19. That doesn’t mean we need to read them all. Choose the places that you trust the most, and pace yourself with getting access to the news. Then, intentionally go to a better place in our mind. That may be your Happy Place. Notice the sights, smell, sounds, body sensation, and flavours that linger in your mouth in that place. This process helps your body access this place more easily and linger in our body. It literally then helps your nervous system regulate.

Pendulation is a helpful way for your body to slow down the impact of stress. It intentionally works by pendulating back and forth between something good and something hard. This article shares more about it. This intention helps you lessen the impact of a negative or scary thought. You balance it intentionally with positive or more soothing thoughts. You can do it but thinking of something that is hard for you, noticing how it sits in our body and where it is, then go to a more gentle thought. Embody this new positive thought and then go back to the first one. It’s a way to slow down by envisioning a volume control button, dimmer light switch, or remote control as you do this.

There are some great resources online that walk you through some of these exercises and meditations. Here is just one source. It shares a bit more about Somatic Experiencing and how it is so helpful during times of crisis like now.

Titration is literally a way to notice just one part at a time, like a puzzle piece instead of the whole puzzle. It’s a way to separate out and work on only a small bit of the emotions or sensations and leave the rest for later, when you are more resourced. Speaking of puzzles I’m working on an epic one with my family this week and it is a great tool for distraction and focus!

Resource #4 Eyes Smile Nod
Gordon Neufeld talks about this tool to help parents ensure they have their children’s full attention. This is a great tool for anyone in contact with others – when we can make eye contact and smile, we are literally accessing the Ventral Vagus Nerve, that is used to help us get to a more relaxed and rested Parasympathetic Nervous System. The vagus nerve lives in your body right behind your eyes, cheeks and mouth and continues down to your perineum. The nod also accesses that part of the brain that bilateral stimulation is engaged. EMDR also does this, as does tapping your feet in alternate steps, or swaying side to side. This is so soothing for your nervous system.

Want to learn more about this theory? Stephen Porges has given us the gift of Polyvagal Theory. Irene Lyon is a great source of info too, and she combines polyvagal theory with Somatic Experiencing tools. Check out her video here for more info. And, you can definitely incorporate ways to access the vagus nerve with how you model co-regulation with children. This article shares some ideas.

So, even if you are not in direct contact with people the next few weeks, when you are on a video call with them, or across the room or street, make a point to give them your eyes, smile and nod. Your nervous system will thank you.

Resource #5 Hold on to a Good Moment
Our brain has a natural tendency to focus on the negative. It’s our brain’s way to protect us from that tiger in the bushes. Our sympathetic nervous system is built to keep us safe and go into Flight Fight Freeze Fawn response when it needs to. That doesn’t mean we need it all the time. When you notice that you are activated or triggered by upsetting news right now, you can instead make a point to balance this fear by telling your brain that you are safe. One way to do that is to go to that good moment in your memory bank. This moment is stored in your body as well as your brain. A somatic tool helps you access it by getting to it from the bottom up, meaning from your body. Up. To your brain last. I can share a memory from my childhood with my beloved gazebo as an example. It has many good memories attached to it, and the image of a treehouse is a perfect analogy for your brain to get to the upstairs part versus where the amygdala lives in the downstairs part of the primitive brain.

Here are the steps:
After recalling the memory, notice first what the body sensation is connected to this moment. For me, it’s a warm glow in my heart when i can picture myself in the upstairs room of the gazebo. The glow is warm and yellow like a sunflower in my heart.

Go through the 5 senses to bring out the image more – the white gazebo fence, the sounds of many birds singing, the smell of flowers in my mom’s garden, the feel of wood on the chair I’m sitting on, and the taste of chocolate (i imagine a lot of Mr. Christie’s chocolate chip cookies in this playhouse)

Now notice the body movement with this memory – as you recall it, what does your body want to do? For instance, i can picture running up and down the staircase and feeling the breeze. So I feel the movement in my thighs moving up and down

Now, think of what is the emotion attached to this moment? I was happy here; this place felt cozy, safe, fun, playful, and content, even if my world didn’t always feel that way.

Finally, what is the thought that comes with this memory – the house symbolizes a felt sense of happy child and imagination for me.

Resource #6 Say Hi to your Hero
This is a good time to seek out your support circle. I don’t mean the people in your actual life, but the superheros or characters that have had your back over the years. It could be you cat, Captain Marvel, or June from Handmaid’s Tale. It can be people in your life but in the past. Who are the Recalled Resources that have held you in scary times? I have some goddesses I look up to and some are online like Gottess or therapists with fabulous instagram pages. When I seek out their words, my whole mind body and spirit are hugged. When the world is sharing this collective fear, call upon those you trust and look up to for their strength, wisdom and fierceness. Spend time reading their work, or watch their movies, read books about them. You get the idea. Make a plan for a personal development project with their expertise in mind. Channel their wisdom and strength. For me, that means taking cat naps like my cat, strengthening my body with home yoga/walk/dance sessions, emerging myself in more moon studies. And yes I’m watching Marvel superhero movies and staying season 3 of Handmaids Tale.

#7 Have a Room of Your Own
When we are all self-isolating to some degree, that may not be from our own direct family. Some of us may find this time especially hard or unsafe. It’s important to plan a safety plan that incorporates how to ask for hep when the person who is hurting you is home with you. Think of code words for friends to listen for, hide your browser history, connect with people regularly to check in and confirm you are safe.

It is also important for all of us to find ways to regulate ourselves so that we can keep community with each other. That means, in order to regulate back into our Window of Tolerance, we need to adopt Virginia Woolf’s idea of the room of our own. Even if that means for 15 minutes a day, you lock yourself in the bathroom and have a long soothing shower, pleasure yourself (remember I how i mentioned above that the fabulous Ventral Vagus Nerve goes right down to your perineum!) when everyone else is in bed.

Make an agreement with anyone you may live with that it benefits all of you to get planned time alone. You don’t have to be an introvert to need this. It will help even more to find time for self-reflection, practice gratitude, and also have time to yourself so that you can repeat this all again tomorrow. Write in your journal and answer questions like this 1) what is something I’m grateful today 2) what is something I can let go of 3) I forgive myself for … 4) I’m looking forward to ….

There is always room for hope and looking forward. It helps if you spend time with it intentionally, so your body can feel it too.

Take care of you these coming days.