Tag Archives: reparenting

My Daughter is a Fawn

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Last year, on one of my escapes from the city during the pandemic, i came across a baby deer. It was truly a magnificent sight. We locked eyes for several minutes. I tracked its posture and racing heart. She stayed perfectly still, trying to blend into the forest floor she had been napping in. She looked so much like the depiction of Bambi that i thought i was making her up.

As someone who has been immersed in trauma therapy and continues to train in the area of somatic therapy, using our animal friends as reference is commonplace in therapy trainings. I have watched several videos of various animals following their survival instincts, as a lesson to see how humans also react to stress or fear-based moments in a similar way.

Most of us have heard of the concept of “Fight or Flight”. It is something that i have written about here several times. This past year, even more of us have heard of Freeze and maybe even Fawning. Well, this actual fawn did not fawn to me, or presumably its mama that was most likely close by. She froze, or rather feigned dead. She stayed perfectly still for several moments, tracking me with her eyes, nose, ears and surely a 6th sense. When she saw me whisper to my partner (who was able to witness this beautiful sight and therefore vouch for the authenticity of my story), she took that moment to Flee. Maybe she ran to her mama, but i could see no other 4 legged creature nearby.

We can learn a lot from our animal friends. In truth, we are not that different from them.

Take my daughter for instance. She has perfected the art of a good compliment. I’m not exactly sure where she learned this as she’s only 9. She will do it to just about anyone. I think it’s a wonderful trait as it softens people and she sees the humanity in them. Even today, on our first adventure to the world of shopping after a long term lockdown, she complimented the cashier on her shirt. It was a cool shirt – a classic Empire Strikes Back retro tee. It led to a long chat about our favourite Star Wars characters and why. My daughter knows how to break the ice. She’s social and extroverted for sure. She also is good at connecting with others. This shopping trip was surely in the area of a safe and relaxed outing, so she was happy and relaxed – in a Ventral Vagal Part of her Nervous System. But she does this too when in conflict with her family – this is where the fawning comes in.

The other day, we got into a conflict over doing a chore that i asked her to do several times. This is a pretty typical argument, and yet i was not as regulated as i’d like to admit (i’m a human first, mom second, and then therapist after all). She picked up on this – co-regulation and neuroception goes both ways. So, she complimented me on my 15-year old bathing suit that i was wearing at the time. To be fair, i love it too and it is a gem. But, i knew she was doing it to stay on my good side, and to feel safe. My partner called it manipulative, but i now see it as Fawning. As a younger child, she used to do it more physically, with running to us for cuddles, or being close. Now, as a very articulate and socially aware young human, she has a deeper sense of co-regulation and helping clear the air. This is where appeasing the other person comes in.

To be clear, my daughter lives in a safe and loving home, with parents who are present and attunement, albeit re-parenting their own wounded parts (some that were activated during the pandemic). Her instinct to appease is not because she is in harm’s way, but rather how her body responds to stress she takes in from conflict. It is in her DNA and Nervous System level where the instinct comes. In other words, it’s not her, but her nervous system responding for her. All creatures, humans included, have this instinct to survive under duress be it fight, flight, freeze or fawn.

For the record, my son is a Fighter and I’m a former Freezer. Plus my daughter also plays a role in starting a lot of fights. There’s an inner fighter in her too. As a feminist mom, a part of me is relieved. But that’s a story for another time.

In some children, this instinct is definitely linked to a stronger need to survive.

In childhood, where most of these survival instincts start to form, children who fawn learn to put their own needs and feelings aside as it feels safer to appease the other person. For anyone who grew up in an abusive home environment, fawning is used as a powerful safety strategy and survival skill. Children learn quickly that saying ‘yes’ is safer than saying ‘no’, even if it goes against their own wishes. Self-sacrifice and people-pleasing becomes the default to stay safe, even when there is violence present. Repressing their own needs becomes an adaptive strategy to de-escalate any further potential danger.

When it’s used time and time again to diffuse a conflict, the body stores this default and people-pleasing becomes a maladaptive coping strategy. As adults, our body remembers these acts of appeasing or fawning, but our cognitive brain struggles with connecting the dots.

How I might respond to someone and fawn is a way to keep myself safe when I feel in conflict. For instance, I recently noticed myself fawning in response to a potential conflict with a neighbour. While the details are irrelevant here, it was only when i was reflecting with my friends later did i notice my instinctual response. My need to be safe and people please over-rode my own internal felt sense of knowing we were not doing anything wrong. I avoid conflict and yet have had to deal with it firsthand many times. As a child and youth, i definitely had a fawn response to conflict. My go-to fawn response to conflict with others is something that i have been working on recently. This is especially important in unpacking my own white privilege and internalized stories. Looking back, it reminded me of a recent newsletter article by Rachael Maddox (if you don’t already know of her wonderful work, this is your chance). She spoke about the difference between humility and fawning. Humility is about acknowledging the humanity in everyone involved, with sovereignty. Fawning is the instinctual motivation to be safe when we are afraid to cause harm, and it doesn’t inherently provide space to grow trust and collective healing. Reflecting on this, it showed me again how the two concepts are two sides of the same coin, showing up based on where i am in my nervous system regulation and how my vagus nerve is tending to me.

There has been a lot of talk in the therapy world about the concept of ‘fawning’. Cathy Malchiodi wrote a powerful article recently, using a feminist lens to unpack the inherently sexist connation of the term. New words have been created to speak to its truer meaning. Appeasement, fitting in (a slightly different practice actually) and now Feigning. I do think that there is a place for fawning though, as i have seen and felt it firsthand in my own children. I am not entirely sure if the Fawn response is gendered, and yet it is girls who are taught the art and reward of compliments, as well as finding cuddles acceptable. There may be an inherently internalized sexism at play. It might come from our own mirroring. I do know that these 4 F’s are nervous system instinctual responses, so there is no thought to it.

Connection, attunement and co-regulation are necessary for all creatures. Being close to others is a safety resource and a right (thank-you to Polyvagal Theory we get that info now even more). I don’t want my daughter to stop her desire to connect to others. She has remedied and repaired a lot of conflict with her fawning and quick bounce back. In fact, she is pretty good at repair for a 9-year old. For anyone actually. And i do know i need to support her in her need to fawn. So this change starts with me – scanning my response that might make her fawn in the first place. It’s hard work to be more regulated with a child who has pushed my buttons time and again. And yet, no one said parenting is easy.

This is tenfold when you are healing your own trauma alongside parenting.

So many of us may be starting to see the toll people-pleasing, fawning, and fitting in have on our our self-agency, autonomy and sovereignty. But don’t worry, there are ways to start to heal this survival strategy.

To start, it is very helpful to learn more about your own Limits and Boundaries. Ugh, i said the word Boundaries. Yup, they have a lot to do with healing our Inner People Pleaser. Play with your invisible moat – how close can people get to you physically before you start to feel like they are invading your space. In a world healing from the pandemic of Covid19, this practice is especially timely and poignant.

Fawning is very connected to that felt sense of ‘walking on eggshells.’ This is where you know that there may be an imminent explosion and your instinct is to de-escalate the situation by sacrificing your own needs or people pleasing. So, track your body’s response – put your arms out to see where your border is for instance. Follow your heart rate, tension on your legs, or tightness in your shoulders. Sometimes we don’t catch our survival response until later. So, use some time to reflect on what happened. Can you track your body’s response at the time? Think of what could have happened if you didn’t try to make this right, or manage other’s responses to you. What would happen if you expressed a disagreement openly?

Before answering a hesitant ‘yes’ to someone’s request of you, take a Sacred Pause. Breathe out a slow exhale (think of a breath out 1-2-3) and then see if you can access a gentle but firm ‘no.’ That exhale activates your parasympathetic nervous system and vagus nerve – the shift from a reaction to a more intentional response. It relaxes your body from going into fight or flight, which can spawn the drive to fawn.

Take some time to reflect on your journey with fawning. This may be a hard exercise so notice if you have capacity for it. Tracking a narrative timeline is a helpful way to also show that your survival response did just that – helped you survive. It may feel counterintuitive to thank it, but showing gratitude for the Part of you that helped you survive is so healing. There may be a younger version of you that just wants you to know that you are grateful and working on healing any self-hatred or shame that may be attached to the trauma you endured. Remember, you did not deserve the pain that was caused you.

Now moving into your present, think of some people in your life who honour your boundaries, who respect you, and who value you for who you are. When thinking of them, what sensations do you notice in your body? Is there any soften that is more accessible, are you breathing deeper, or maybe your shoulders drop a bit and are more relaxed. If you cannot access a person who honours this, think of a pet, or take some time to watch some movies or TV shows where you can witness characters having this healthy boundary practice. This exercise helps you access your social engagement system where your Ventral Vagus Nerve thrives.

I think we also need to do an about-face with being nice. It presents as less threatening for sure, and can de-escalate conflict. But to what end? I know i have been nice more times than i want to admit, and it’s my own self-worth that paid the price. I kind of love the acronym of being a BITCH – a woman who Believes in Taking Care of Herself. We need to reclaim this word as patriarchy as stolen it from us, like so many things. I am sick of being the nice girl who is trying to soften any possible conflict, be minimizing my own needs and worth in the process.

Treat your skin like the border it is. Notice how your feet ground you, how you hands can honour the distance you need from someone else. I bet you have been tracking what it feels like to wear a mask these many months! In the next week, walk barefoot outside and see what sensations is brought for. Nourish your hands as they hold you in resonance. Get naked in bed, just to feel the sheets on your skin directly. Track your skin’s sensations in connection to your stress of safety response. Think of pins and needles, or that sensation that awakens in the back of your neck. Skin is there to help you track your interocetpion – your response to others. So also make time to show it love and attention. Give it a gentle massage or lotion to savour. Show it gratitude.

One final tip is to orient yourself to your physical space when you feel unsafe. I love the somatic resource of Orienting as it helps me titrate the feeling of unsafe in my body. I either give myself a self-hug and say ‘shhhh’ as a way of self-soothing, and relaxing my body, or i look at an item in the room to orient to outside of myself – this is called Proprioception. When i locate something, be it my favourite photo, a bouquet of flowers, a candle, or something that is my favourite colour, it helps me start to relax a bit. Then see if you can take a deeper breath and honour your need to say no or hold a boundary.

Remember, the Shadow side of connection is Fawning. When we are in our Window of Capacity, we can access that need for connection in a healthy way. Fawning is just one other way to get that need met, when there is dysregulation. And yet we are social creatures who thrive in community. This past year has complicated our relationships for sure. Now that we are in a semi-post state of the pandemic, it helps to notice what your body is telling you as you start to make you re-entry into social life.

I’m a book lover and find community in the books i read. This is a good resource for learning oure about healing your Inner Fawn as well as perfecting a boundary practice. Kimberly Ann Johnson’s book Call of the Wild: How we Heal Trauma, Awaken our Own Power and Use it for Good does a wonderful job unpacking this more. She also has a course called Limits and Boundaries if you want to reclaim your rightful boundaries.

Prentis Hemphill has a beautiful quote that is so fitting here: “Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and myself simultaneously.”

Exactly.

How do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways: Six Principles of Self-Love

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This month, I have been diving into what ‘self-love’ means. Each year in February, i do a daily practice to honour what needs tending. It is a practice of self-love, and yet it remains a work in progress that is fluid and ever-changing.

This year, the pandemic has flipped the practice on its head. Not because it made it harder to do, as most of the exercises and rituals are things i do at home in private, but rather the need to do it was made even clearer.

This year has pushed so many of us to our edges. We are surviving a global pandemic, some are faring easier than others (privilege, geographic location and government decisions all play a role in this). We are also just getting by and now are finding that our survival and coping strategies are not enough for our bodies to sustain and thrive. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. And yet the cracks in our boats are starting to be felt.

I felt the initial shock of the pandemic very hard. I remember being in the fetal position, crying, and screaming more than i want to admit. I was one of the lucky ones – my job became an essential service as did my partner’s, and we could work at home. I found it hard as community is a big part of how i stay regulated in my body, and i was forced to shelter at home. Again, i am lucky to be home with family and yet i also need a break from them in order to get that balance. This is the epitome of mixed feelings that make us feel stuck in a hamster wheel of guilt and gratitude.

So, this past year, i have been noticing how practices of self-love can be that salve for our mind body and soul. I have been taking more time to myself, be it an early evening long bath, reading a lot, and intentionally reaching out to my community. It was with these commitments that i started to see how i practice self-love regularly, and have some principles that i adhere to.

Before i share them, i wanted to unpack the differences between all of these ‘self’ words – no wonder the ‘self-help’ industry is so abundant. It is also important to note that while work on our Self is a private and independent act, it thrives in community and co-regulation with others. The healing process of therapy is successful mainly because of the relationship; whereas self-help books done in isolation are not as productive. The concept of Self comes from various psychologists from yesteryear. Jung speaks of it and Schwartz (of Internal Family Systems) speaks of the Self and it’s 8 C’s – (check out this helpful PDF here.) I have adapted from these as well as my own work on my Self.

Self-Worth is seen as the way of holding yourself in high regard and worthy of respect and happiness, and Self-Esteem is how we see ourselves and relies on self-worth. Self-Love is the action that is behind the feeling and thought, and it requires some acceptance of our Self as we are. Each of these concepts do not exist in a bubble and are influenced by our community, culture, and connections to others. They are shaped by our early attachments and also can be healed when we are not shown love as children. This is why self-love work is so important for re-parenting that inner child who is wounded.

There is a shadow side to Self-Love, even more than the other selfs of worth and esteem, acceptance and compassion. We are taught to be modest, especially for those of us who identify as women. To have love or esteem for oneself is vain or immodest. This needs to change, and we need to reclaim that sense of holding our Self in high regard as not only sustainable but our birthright. Those of us in femme bodies especially struggle with this shadow side – White supremacy and patriarchy have benefited from capitalism’s profiting off the modernization of our way of living. Feminine Sensuality is very much a needed part of our herstory that needs tending to again. We must move away from a male-centred value system. But that is a topic for a later article…

As self-love gets a bad rap, i wanted to share quickly what it is NOT – being conceited and holding your needs as superior over others (we are all perfectly imperfect and valuable as is); giving yourself a free pass whenever things are hard or go wrong (love admits mistakes and working on them); remaining stuck and unchanging or being rigid in your routine and views (self-love is ever-changing, evolving, and learning), relying on other’s compliments to validate me (though i’m not entirely sure i need to love myself before others love me either); performative self-care acts or rules to follow just because (it is a felt-sense of something in the moment and looks differently as moments are fleeting).

Self-Love is sometimes connected to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, as a process of getting there after tending to body needs, safety, connection via self-awareness and then self-acceptance. I wonder if it’s more complex and non-linear than that. It incorporates the various parts of self – physical, spiritual, social, emotional, and mental realms. To me, Self-Love is an Intentional Commitment (gotta do the work!) that helps me get a felt sense of inner glow, empowerment, sovereignty and affection for my Self.

Here are the 6 Ways i Practice Self-Love

Boundaries
While these are not in any order, I think it’s important to know the role of boundary setting in order to help us feel self-love. When we can say no to outside expectations, requests, demands, or assumptions, we are honouring our own needs. We deserve to honour our own time, body and decisions. We are putting our Self on our priority list. This is hard for many of us to do, and yet the reward is us tending to what is important – our safety, autonomy, time and voice. As social creatures, we thrive in community but sometimes that community is not safe or respectful of our boundaries. We need both time alone to rest and time in community to feel connected. We need breaks from devices and social media as well. As there are different types of boundaries, it helps to learn them – maybe you want to start with practicing saying No, or maybe a more energetic or emotional boundary that seems more attainable.
One Small Thing: Take stock of your friends and family and see who honour and respect your No

Self-Compassion
Self-love is the response to giving myself compassion and care, as i do for others. Self-Compassion and Self-care are the actions we take that help us embody the affection we have for our Self. So, it is the kind self-talk that intentionally works on forgiving myself for a mistake; it is the voice that quiets the judgement that sneaks in; it is the Permission Slips that remind me that i am perfectly imperfect like all humans. It is also the times i validate myself and take pride in what i do. This is how i hold space for myself and honour me, because if i don’t than this is what I’m modeling for others. This is where mindfulness of the here-in-now moment is sacred, slowing down and being present in my body is self-love.
One Small Thing: Write out some Permission Slips to have ahead of time – i.e. i give myself permission to make a mistake and then give myself a hug

Self-Trust
One of the benefits of learning more about self-care and self-compassion practices is the ability to learn how to trust our Self. When we listen to our needs, honour them, and are guided by our intuition and not our fear, we can then make confident decisions. Sometimes, that means also needing to learn how to NOT believe all i think as well. That may be a part of us showing up that is wounded, or the Inner Critic who is worried about making a mistake. When i start to listen more to my Self, i know where the worry is coming from: That is trust. Another important aspect of self-love is being able to work on our goals, dreams and plans – when we trust our Self, we see how the cycle of our life can impact our plan, instead of feeling hopeless or pessimistic. Knowing that i am working on my goals in general, and that my mood impacts my optimism is a big step to keeping on task with my dreams.
One Small Thing: Do a Needs Assessment for a day and honour some, be it a glass of water or changing stop scrolling through social media when it starts to hurt

Pleasure
We can’t have love without pleasure and playfulness. As Deb Dana talks about “glimmers and glow moments’ we need to have these examples to remind ourselves that we can be happy, present, and capable of pleasure. Self-love does mean giving ourselves a Gift sometimes, and taking stock of achievements. As the old commercial reminds us, we are worth it. This is where the ritual of gratitude is meaningful. When we see our achievements and our proud of ourselves, we feel empowered. When we find ways to play and be present, we are attuning to our heart’s desire. Is there a pet project you love to focus on for instance? To take it a step further, our Home life is also a reflection of this. Is there a space in your home that helps hold your pleasure practice? What rituals do you have honour that captures it.
One Small Thing: Create a Pleasure Corner with some cozy items in your home (think of a comfy chair, candles, a book and blanket to have on hand)

Know thy Self
After this past year, many of us have learned what our limits and needs are. We have been stretched to the max, exhausted, overwhelmed and afraid. When we learn more about our own nervous system and its capacity (also known as Window of Tolerance), then we can tend to our wants, likes and needs. It is so helpful to know when we are reacting in Fight Flight Freeze Fawn, and when we practice self-love, our needs are being respected. When we know if we are regulated or getting dysregulated, we can pull out the best resource from our ‘toy box’ of tools to tend to our Self. This is a sort of Love Map of my Self. Anyone who has endured trauma benefits greatly from this inner work, to heal and integrate the trauma and Shadow side (also called Fragmented Parts). Another important part of knowing our Self is to learn what our Attachment Styles and ancestral stories are, so that we can listen to the inner dialogue of our Parts that are trying to take up airspace, in order to help us be safe in the world, as well as what shaped us to become who we are and how we think about our selves and worth.
One Small Thing: Learn more about what you need to stay emotionally regulated and create a cheat sheet for when you need it

Body Attunement
Another part of self-love work that can be tricky is our relationship to our body. A lot of us were taught to be modest – to take compliments with grace, to not be vain, to not hold our appearance to the highest regard. This has lead to a disconnect between our Mind and Intellect to our Body and its appearance. Further, it has made our thinking brain the powerhouse to admire and be proud of, and puts our body in the shadows, especially when it comes to pleasure, ability and size. So, self-love rituals most include ways to move the body, listen to it, and do healing work (whether it is talk therapy, walks, yoga, massage, what you eat, etc). Move your body and then rest it, eat nourishing food, take breaks, have that bubble bath. When we reclaim Embodiment and Bodyfulness, we are more attuned to what our body is telling us – and it never lies: Listen to it.
One Small Thing: Put on some of your favourite music and see what your body does in response; try a 3 song minimum

Still unsure how self-love works? I had been finding the ritual of journaling to be so helpful – taking time to reflect, give myself a new perspective, as well as slow down and stay with my feelings is a powerful way to practice self-love. It is a way of holding space for myself.

So, if you are stuck on this concept, how about taking some time to reflect on some of these journal prompts:

*When did i show myself love this week?
*What is my favourite time of day and how to i linger in it?
*When do i feel happy? When have i felt happy – reflect on a time in your past.
*How do i feel connected to my needs?
*Write a love letter to myself from my Wise Self, or to my Inner Child Part
*What are 5 positive things to tell myself that i am proud of doing this past week?

Remember, self-love is a powerful way of reclaiming sovereignty over yourself – itself a radical act of self-care so be gentle with your Self: we are all a work in progress. It is your birth rite after all.

Parts of a Mother

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My kids have been wanting to paint the walls. And not just figuratively, which they surely have been doing during this pandemic. They have been admiring the graffiti and street art in our city, and need to look no further than our own alleyway. Some artwork merits a smile and blush, others are thought-provoking, and some are eye-rolling.

We had the opportunity to fulfill this summer bucket wish last week. Our neighbour wanted to put her own tag on the wall and cover up some questionable artwork. So, luckily i was able to share with her that my daughter’s wish all summer was to use spray paint. What a good mom i am, right?

We were at the right place at the right time – paint in hand and ready to be accomplices, or rather apprentices, depending on your stance on graffiti art. I supervised the endeavour. I was happy to oblige my kids and a part of me was excited about the opportunity. And then i noticed the various parts of me that showed up alongside this joyful moment. Some were invited like the Good Mom. Others were a surprise like the Enforcer. And one happy surprise was the Inner Child who happily and tentatively held a bottle and made her mark.

After a while of being sous chefs, the kids were allowed to go wild and paint to their hearts content. They wrote lovely mantras like “love yourself” and “Me cool, you cool, we cool.” They were silly and they were in the moment. They were happy. And yet, i was surprised to notice my own voice barking at them, instructing them to not take up too much space. To not hog the space or take over. To not waste the paint. To not make a mess. I was able to notice it, and i apologized to the other adults whose project it was originally, to only notice later that who i needed to say sorry to was the kids because THEY weren’t doing anything wrong (and yes i know that graffiti is technically illegal). I felt guilty for them taking up too much space on the wall; i was directive and bossy and deferred to my neighbour as a way to people please – that other Part of me that gets exiled because i want to be assertive and confident, and yet she visits because i want to be liked and included. And like most of us, i have stories to tell from my youth of not fitting in and being bullied, and being afraid of conflict. I’m a work in progress too, and it’s taken years to notice that I withdraw from conflict and fawn to that person who is holding the reigns: It’s a safety survival reflex.

Internal Family System is a therapy modality that uses our parts of our Self that have become embedded in who we are. They are formed over our years of living our life, as tools to help us during a hard or scary moment. Typically, we have Manager, Fire Fighter and Exiled parts. We then have wounded parts that have become exiled and only show up when we are being triggered or if that part thinks we need their help. As a Feminist Therapist, i like to look at all these parts of my Self as my Archetypes – the Inner Goddess, Child, Warrior, Wise Woman, Apprentice, etc. Each of these has a role to play and our hope is that they get integrated into our true full Self, the person we are becoming and is our authentic wholeness. Think of your Inner Critic voice – from what Part do you think that comes from?

Our Parts are a bit different from the roles we play – i am a woman, partner, therapist, parent. I am also embodying all of these roles in my own unique way. For instance, let me take being a parent as a reference. In a given moment, my Perfectionist, the Inner Fraud, the Nurse, or maybe the Researcher or Governess shows up. Preparing my kids for school during a pandemic is definitely activating a few Parts so my Researcher hat is helping guide me. When i feel overwhelmed by my daughter’s messy room, my Perfectionist Part is kicked in gear. She’s there to try to help make sense of things and calm my nerves that get triggered by mess. It takes some time to notice what presents for you, and it can be helpful as it gives a way in to see what may need to change. When we notice the parts of us that show up in a harder moment, we get to engage in our own infrastructure. We also get to Reparent what is needed now, as well as what i needed back then.

Re-parenting my Self is a practice of self-compassion. And it’s indulgent because it is a way of building a secure attachment for the first time. We are working on meeting our need for nurturance and attention, sometimes for the first time. When we take time to learn how this looks for us, we are able to practice meeting our needs and getting to a place of a fuller, more happy life.

What are some parts you notice in you? What are some that you intentionally bring up to support you? Do you have an angry part that helps you when you need to address someone who’s being an asshole. Do you have an artsy side that helps you when you are stuck on something to wear? Name them – give them a voice so you can also talk back to them. These parts may need the same compassion your friends need. Thank them for trying to help you, remind them that you want to do try first and you well reach out to them if you need them. Send them a Dear John letter!

My journey to inner work is both one for myself as well as for the people i support. I’ve found such insight in books so i wanted to share some resources with you that may be helpful if you also want to learn more about Inner Parts work:
– Recovery of Your Inner Child by Lucia Capachhione, a renowned art therapist
– Parts Work: An Illustrated Guide to Your Inner life by Tom Holmes
– books by Richard Schwartz, Frank Anderson, or Bonnie J Weiss
– this lovely deck of cards that i use in sessions and for myself; sometimes i pull a card to help me reflect on how to channel or nurture that Part, or sometimes it’s a way for me to guide my day with intention.

How do you say hello to the possibly long forgotten Inner Child Part? Do you notice any glee or happy shriek in your body as you skip with a skipping rope, or catch bubbles, or play with clay? Taking a ride on “Party Island” at the cottage has always been a happy place for me, as it gets me back in tune with my Inner Pre-teen Surfer wanna-be.

During this pandemic, I’ve been intentionally saying hello to my own Inner Child. I had one mantra that guided me: Get outside, laugh and move my body every day. It has helped me get through the harder days. I’ve been doing crafts I love like macrame and drawing, dancing on my own, eating comfort food, napping, playing in water. Earlier on, we had sleepovers as a family and watched a lot of classic movie marathons. These moments are not to escape this reality but rather finding a way to slow down and notice what my body is needing to balance this scary time. It’s also a way to capture what supported me as a child when times were hard: Life goes on.