Tag Archives: ritual

A Ceremonial Month: Embracing the Path to My Wise Future Self

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June is the halfway point to the year. It might be an arbitrary mid-way pause and yet it still serves as a place maker of time. June also represents a season on its own. For folks like me in the Northern hemisphere, it is the shift from Spring to Summer. It is the turning of the year into a delicious time of play and pleasure. For our friends in the global South, it also represents a pause to turn inward and rest during Winter.

June is the mirror that reflects a passage of time, especially for students. It is the season where we acknowledge an ending before a new beginning can start. This is the time of year that many students graduate from all things related to school – daycare, kindergarten, middle school, high school or further education. Graduation is the event that honours one thing completing before embracing the next adventure.

As all rites of passages, it is an end of a season and cycle-of-life shift.

And like all endings, we need to hold space for the grief of something ending, even if it was supposed to.

I recently attended a moving series of talks held by Kimberly Ann Johnson and Stephen Jenkinson. Their series centred around the ‘forgotten pillars’ of our society and it served as a call back to rebuild the foundation of how we live today. Some of the pillars were matrimony and patrimony and their connection to ancestors. The other two are kinship and ceremony.

It is these two that i will speak of here.
Stephen Jenkinson shares that a ceremony is the punctuation of a passage of time. I love this analogy as it captures the rightful placement at the beginning rather than just the ending. The ceremony is not meant to be the goal, but rather the pause between. So when my partner turned 50 in May, i knew we had to implement a more soul-lead ceremony into the celebration of his life. Turning 50 is a pretty significant punctuation. While I can’t believe i’m married to a 50 year old, i’m just a year away myself. His turning around the sun has given me pause to notice where we are in our life journey. It is a marker of sorts, not unlike Summer and June, as a practice to make sure we are where we want to be.

(In case you are wondering what i’m doing here in this photo, i hosted a special evening honour my partner, who wanted a jam night. We made our singing debut, that you can see a glimpse into HERE.)

Some of us had various rites of passage be stolen by Covid. Maybe it was your own school graduation or maybe a wedding or something more intimate. Whatever it is, we are not meant to cross a threshold alone. We are supposed to be witnessed and held.

And yet it’s not exactly a practice of jumping over the hot coals, but more like an exhale that embodies the ebb and flow of life. We are not just celebrating this number called 50, but also bearing witness to who he has been up until this moment. Period Pause Punctuation. The ceremony is like a comma that joins two chapters in one’s life.

Now begins the good work of setting intentions and manifesting into fruition the next steps.

We are not quite Crones or elders yet, so we are both embracing the invitation to apprentice in our future roles. Both of us are anticipating this next place in our spiral path.

I attended a family member’s wedding in May – all sorts of rites of passage in the spring re-birth season! The actual ceremony was rather quick, and the officiant did use the magic words of matrimony and community. It made me recall my own wedding ceremony of many moons ago.

At my own celebration, we had everyone sit in a circle, all 75 of us. I had a living altar of wildflowers from my mom’s garden as the threshold centrepiece. We endeavoured all the guests to repeat a community manifesto to declare their commitment to us. We lead the guests in song and i wore a dress in my favourite shade of blue. I love how we say the bride is walking down the altar, not dissimilar to the association we have to sacred altars.

At the time, i refused to call it a wedding as that felt so off-brand for me. Now i know why: I didn’t want to connect my story to that of a cis-het patriarchal framework of marriage. Stephen also has valid laments about the business of weddings. They have become more of a party than a ceremony. I’m so grateful that a younger version of me was able to create such a meaningful ceremony that future me (the one alive now in my body) deeply respects.

I studied to be a group facilitator at school. We had whole classes devoted to group process and holding a container. Facilitating circles and group gatherings have been a big part of my life for over twenty years. In fact, in my program, we sat in a circle for most of our classes. We practised leading group workshops and exercises, and learned about group guidelines and considerations.

Now, in the mid-way point of my life, i am integrating a more soul-aligned lens into my work as a community space holder and ceremonialist. Into all of my life, really. This has come at the perfect time as my own children embark on natural rites of passage. Side note: This is something i offer in my work. If you want to learn more about how to introduce ceremony into your life, i share more about my work here. I’d be honoured to be a part of your dream seed.

What is the point of me sharing this here? For one thing, it’s a hint at the way my work has been evolving.

It’s also because I had a realization recently that is connected to one of the things i grieve with the loss of my mom. It’s the knowledge about women’s bodies and having a place to go for information and guidance. I only recently noticed how old she was when she was going through perimenopause and have so much more compassion for her, even though it was also a very hard time for me, partly due to her treatment of me. I wish 16-year old me knew what i know now.

And now i sit here in my own change process and am alone. Sure, i have friends who are in perimenopause and recently crossed the field into menopause. But what i needed all along, and didn’t know is the eldership of crones and older women.

What I needed was a multi-generational community, and kinship.

This has been on my own mind for the past 2 years, since my own mom died.

I was not raised with intergenerational wisdom and i now see that i needed it as a child, as much as i still need it now. I am at the wild edge of unbecoming someone i once was. I am shedding old identities, and one that has a physical manifestation – Menstruator. This past month, i had my first menstruation after an absence of 6 months. I was so ready to embrace Menopause that it threw me off to bleed again. I forgot what medicines and practices are important. An impatient Part forgot that nature still is in the driver seat. Silly me, who told me i should assume to know the future?! I got it alongside a new moon no less, so i’m honouring this alignment as a gift – a chance to plant some intentions for what my own ceremony may be. But more importantly, what i need in my life now to nourish me and support me as i embrace this new identity.

We all need guides. We are not meant to go it alone. I am awakening up to this need now. Better late than never right? I think a big part of it is seeing how alone my own mom was at this time. I’m not sure if this is the narrative i have told myself so much it has become truth, or if it is factually accurate. What i am noticing though is that i don’t want to enter this next stage of life alone.

I spoke about honouring some Blood Mysteries before. I held a ceremony for my daughter and last year. I plan to conjure up a similar one for once i cross the portal into being post-menopausal. Until that happens, i am casting a vision to grow Village aunties into being. My aunties will not be blood related so they will need to be curated via neighbours, friends, book guides, online mentors, and community members I am starting to meet.

I am exactly where i am supposed to be.

Surrounded in Surrender

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No word has been as illuminating for me as much as this year’s word of the year, Surrender. I had no idea how much of a gift it would be when i chose it. I harboured mixed feelings (and some negative connotation to it going in) that i knew it would be a revealing word. I was very hesitant to embark on this year-long lesson and am so grateful for it.

Alongside this year-long study of Surrender, was the Chariot, the 7th card in the Tarot deck. I love how they held the fort for me. This year was my year to surrender to the path not yet taken – the divine mysteries, and to let the path be there ahead of me.

I sat with how we use surrender in everyday language. Patriarchy has made it seem like a loss and so it typically holds a negative connotation: To surrender my passport or freedom like when people have to ‘surrender themselves’ to the authorities. I now see that something is beautiful because it has been surrendered, and the acceptance is what happens is what it is meant to be. This is the way of surrender.

One of the key takeaways is in the reframe of it – it is not giving up but rather letting go of something that isn’t supposed to happen. We must surrender what is not ours any longer. This allows us to let go of who or what you were and are no more.

I don’t think i have ever noticed how much the word shows up – in our written word, in conversation, in song. In fact, if you want an album to play alongside my article, just have a listen to Maggie Rogers latest album – Surrender. It has been my anthem this year. I got all nerdy and sat with the word in its root: “Sur ender” – does that mean under the surface? Or is it to render to do or make into being. It is to become into myself and accept or soften or sink in land. I like how these sensation-based words help me really embody what it feels like to surrender. Over and over again, i would see the word in print and it would make me pause and re-read it. I would hear it in song or conversation and i would linger in it, coming back to it in my head so i could mull it over. Whenever i told others what my word ways, i would also get a recognition and nodding of the head as a way of agreeing with its mysterious hold on us.

“Many of us find it difficult to access a state of rest, surrender, or letting go. It requires a deep sense of trust and safety that we will be met, held, supported. In a somatic sense, yielding is the state of surrendering our weight to gravity, and the relationship between our bodies and whatever we are in contact with (be it the earth or another being).” ~ Marika Henricks

“When we surrender control, we’re able to grasp what’s needed to do our job.” ~ Rachel Macy Stafford

“Feminine surrender means holding soul truth so tenderly in your heart and so deep in your womb. Knowing without a doubt it is meant for you and will manifest for you – in it’s own way and on it’s own time.” ~ Marissa Lawton

“Along with my full-bodied, ecstatic “YES” to this new life, there was also a terrified, shame-filled, embarrassed “no” all at the same time. Surrender often meets us in that way; we are standing at the edge of a new life, and the inner conflict is excruciating. Parts of us are simultaneously moving in opposite directions….If I could have surrendered, or even told the truth sooner, I would have. If I could have done it better, cleaner, slower, faster, or with less harm, I would have. I resisted the truth until the final hour. I couldn’t let go until I could. And I devastated us all because the person I was deceiving wasn’t my ex-husband, or my now ex-lover.. it was me I was lying to. (It’s usually me I’m lying to).” Madison Morigan

The first step in my year with surrender was to unpack the root of the word word. Now at the end of this year, here are me takeaways:

Surrender is Patient
The act of surrender is unique to each given moment. When we surrender in the reality of a here and now moment, we are intentionally present right here right now. This is a practice of Radical Acceptance – it is what it is. When we give ourselves this awareness, it allows us to become comfortable and feel a sense of ease.

I have been using my Wild and Sacred Feminine oracle deck all year. The card River shares that “each act of surrender, no matter how small, brings you into an inviting ease with the flow.” It connects us to the river: River ask you to take stock of your relationship to the laws of surrender. For some, it could be graceful, and for others, feels relentless, like a struggle. River shows you what it is like to follow the path without resistance. Whatever happens happens, hold onto your real work and what is most important and liberate everything else.”

This is who I am meant to be; a trust in this life force that is guiding us to surrender and be who we are supposed to be. It is truly spiritual, and not something that can be just thought of – it has to be experienced in the fullness of our mind body soul. I think that was my biggest lesson – surrender is a spiritual portal.

It was when i started to track how it lived in my body that i started to truly understand it. Giving up is a sinking feeling in my gut. Acceptance like this is a soft landing like a feather finding its way back to home.

Surrender is patience and a felt sense that lands softly in my body. It is not crashing or collapse.

Surrender is the Opposite of Control
In the article The Art of Surrender the author reflects that the opposite of surrender is control. She unpacks the need for control, and what are some key ways to release it. To start, we need to reframe the usual question of ‘why’ to ‘what’ – like what can i do instead of why does this happen to me? She offers a helpful morning breath meditation with at least 10 breaths when you feel out of control and also an acceptance of making peace your priority rather than perfection, or productivity. Finally, she reminds that it is ok to not know understand everything and to try to trust the process.

It is about ceasing the resistance i held onto because of the desire for control. So surrender is about accepting what is beyond my control and this practice gives me a felt sense of expansion – though I don’t always know which one lands in my body first. I think expansion and the deep sigh out (or relieve) is the sensation and surrender is the thought i hold with it. It is tether to a felt response in me as the receiver with wonder, awe and appreciation.

When i give up an unhealthy hold of control, i can allow things to be just as it is: To not force it, to not force the hand. When i did this, i practiced a new way to accept that things will come back around again.

Surrender is the seed of acceptance.

As it also accompanied a year of transition for me, i think it was all the more meaningful. In my discovery of it, it showed me that surrender is an embodied intention that is tethered to trust in myself.A trust in myself and who i was becoming. When we surrender into the acceptance of who we are becoming, it is a felt sense of understanding. The initiation feels more like an answer to the evolution of who we are becoming as opposed to simply giving up who we are no longer. There is space for trust that outweighs the fear. It is also tied to feminine energy – the idea of being okay to let go and be in flow is an essence of the feminine path, which is ultimately tethered to trust. Marissa Lawton shares that surrender is embodying a “bone-deep trust that what is truly meant for you is already yours if you can simply sit and hold the space for it to arrive.”

Surrender is Love
I began to see that surrender was not attached to fear or giving up, but rather the opposite – courage and love.

“Love rests on two pillars: surrender and autonomy. Our need for togetherness exists alongside our need for separateness. One does not exist without the other. With too much distance, there can be no connection. But too much merging eradicates the separateness of two distinct individuals. Then there is nothing more to transcend, no bridge to walk on, no one to visit on the other side, no other internal world to enter. When people become fused—when two become one—connection can no longer happen. There is no one to connect with. Thus separateness is a precondition for connection: this is the essential paradox of intimacy and sex.” ~ Esther Perel

I learned a new word when i realized how loving surrender is – biophilia: to surrender to our innate instinct to love anything that lives. I felt this so strongly when i was in France this summer – meeting new butterfly friends, and eating fresh juicy figs right of the vine. I felt this way too whenever i was in water with my family – my love for them is boundless when we play in the water together. So, i surrendered my body up to the experience, a bit like a living sacrifice.

It was with this new-found awareness that i started to wholeheartedly connect more to my spiritual self, and tend to my soul this year. I realized i love this part of me, and it is what has been hidden for so long. I got in my own way before, and was afraid to love this part of me. Through this devotion, ritual and ceremony became a big part of my life. I realized how much the concept of Surrender coincided with this. When we move into a more seasonal and intention way of living, that is accepted the way of the cycle, or cyclical living. Our animal and plant kin remind us of this all the time – this is so liberating and a embodied felt sense of sovereignty.

Love is also tethered to forgiveness. So another practice of Surrender is to work towards forgiveness, of ourself or others. This releases the hold the pain has on us, without condoning the other’s act of harm. Forgiveness is the spiritual and psychological release the pain had a hold on us over. We are free from resentment as well as the power the other person had over us. Grief is connected to forgiveness, as much as it’s to surrender – i think one dance i have been learning is the shift from the grievances i have surrounding my mom’s death and trusting that i can surrender to the feeling of grief, as it’s a sign of my love for her – i don’t have to drown in my sorrow to do so.

Surrendering softy into my edges, landing in my body in its fullness, expanding into it all

The best gift i have given myself this year is to intentionally walk with Surrender – it has allowed me to truly surrender to the experience of my own life. It has been a reclamation – and a practice of standing firm in a practice that was vulnerable and yet transformative. I am a new person on this other side of my dance with surrender.

The Next Step in the Spiral Path

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We are days away from the end of 2021. It is snowing where i am, the house is quiet except for the continuous flow of my playlist, Music Therapy: That’s what it is called and what it means to me. It’s been a stalwart for me this year.

As the first New Moon of 2022 is so early into January, i wanted to share with you some of the resources that i have found immeasurable for planning for the year that is coming. One of the guideposts for this ritual is also taking time to reflect on the year that was.

A part of me wants to say good riddance to 2021, but i wouldn’t be doing it a good service. There were parts that were gifts, surely. They balanced out the hard and unexpected. To read a bit more about my 2021, go to my last journal post.

Each year, i put together a Reflections of the Year guidebook. If you haven’t already, go to this LINK and print a copy. Or better yet, take what you want from it and put your thoughts and dreams in a journal of your own. If you would rather ask some simple questions, here is a good place to start:

1) What have you learned
a) What are you letting go of
b) What are you bringing into the new year
2) What are you new adventure are you welcoming

My Guides
While my practice is a private one, it is not without guides and inspiration from others. I am a big fan of Lindsay Mack. She is a Tarot guide and each year, her Solstice Blessings Tarot Spread is part of my ritual. In it, we ask the cards: 1) What is my card for the Solstice 2) What am I welcoming in at this new cycle? 3) What am I shedding and releasing? 4) A supportive Anchor Card that I can call upon for the upcoming cycle ahead. I have enrolled in her Threshold course so she can companion me even more into this new year. Sarah Faith Gottesdiener is also a mentor and has similar resources.

I start my plan for the next year by early December. I have been honing in on my New Year ritual for so long it has become part of my Craft. Besides my journal practice, i now have a collection of card decks that help anchor me. This new one, Live Your Values Deck, is a perfect compliment to my own Self-Compassion Intention cards, my Tarot Deck and Goddess Oracle cards. Each has a sacred place at the altar.

One tool i love to share with the people i support is the Wheel of Life exercise. Kimothy Joy’s free version has been updated for 2022. A similar resource is Ikagai, a Japanese tool that is similar. It breaks down our life’s purpose into 4 pillars: passion, vocation, profession and mission. It asks you to consider these 4 questions: What do you LOVE, What are you GOOD at, What does the world NEED, how can you get PAID. Another great website that shares more about this tool is here. Resources like this act to help us see where we need more balance, focus or energy, and where there is abundance.

Since i have read so much this year, it’s fitting that i am surrounded by some books to help me with my Year-end ritual. Marlee Grace’s new book, Getting to Center, is very helpful – she breaks down the path to get to our own Inner Centre. With chapters on vulnerability, hope, easy, saying bye, and rejuvenation, she covers a lot of ground. Another book is Amber Rae’s Choose Worry Over Wonder. Both books have words that were on my shortlist for Word of the Year. So, they have been companioning me these last few weeks.

Instead of goals that start the year, i follow the tradition of picking Core Desired Words for the Year. They are more about honouring a theme or feeling for the year, rather than tasks or commitments. Last year, my main theme was the Rise up, share my resources and myself with my community. It also means to embody confidence. The other theme was Pleasure: How to access Joy and Play. You can read about some of my previous years HERE and HERE. You can also look at some of my own guides – Susannah Conway’s annual gift is still such a great resource after all this years – i have been doing it since 2015. I pick one key word and then 4 to hold it, one for each season of the year.

2022 is held by The Lovers in Tarot (card 6 of the deck, 2+0+2+2=6). It is the best time to welcome back love, for ourselves, each other, and Mother Earth. It is time to reparent our Self with the tenderness and love we have been needing. It is time to let go of what no longer serves us, and create space for new beginnings and dreams that do.

And so, now that you have a sense of my flow, here is my Word of the Year: Grace

I have been thinking about this word for years. For a long time, i didn’t want anything to do with it as i attached it to femininity and being nice as a woman. And now, as it calls to me again, i think it fits with where i’m at. I am diving into a personal spiral of reclaiming feminine energy, Goddess guides, and having grace allows me to source this side of me.

Now i see the word in a new light, and i see it everywhere. In Madison Morrigan’s recent newsletter, she also speaks of her journey with Grace:

“Notice.
Allow everything to belong.
Forgive it.
Forgive it again.
It belongs.
Allow.
–Grace.”

Grace helped her be more compassionate to herself when her boundaries had fallen. She had more capacity to be tender, playful and angry when necessary (if not inconvenient). When we choose to have sovereignty for what we give our attention, knowing there will be consequences, we can choose to do it with grace.

While Grace is the main theme, I am also feeling a call to Community. This past year has shown me how much I missed having access to a clear village. So, I think the four anchor words are going to help me establish what is needed for a more defined community – whether it is with colleagues, dance or a Goddess circle. The four words that will support me as i strive for it are Ease (Winter), Centred (Spring) Awe (Summer), and Ritual (Fall). I felt called to the words Centred and Awe, and then i knew that i needed to trust more in Ease. It was when i started to play with the words that i noticed they too spelt my main word, just as this past year’s word RISE.

I think this is the part of grace i am seeking – to be confident with my decisions, even when they counter others. Grace means having integrity and humility. It means being graceful with my values, not necessarily being graceful like a ballerina.

Though, i have always wanted to be a ballerina as well.

Another Year Around the Sun

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Another year has passed. Another year faced with challenges amidst moments of joy. I’m sitting in the luxury of my bed and new duvet, reflecting on my year, on my birthday.

The word that held me was RISE. It was such a fitting word as it came up over and over again, repeating its way of anchoring me. This year, i was more intentional in asking myself questions that helped me honour the word. For instance, i would ask myself “how does this decision help me rise?” Or at times, i would call for it to help me rise when i was feeling pulled down.

The other theme that came up, more so unplanned, was PLEASURE. I sought out ways to enhance my pleasure practice, whether it was summer play, food choices, dancing in an embodied way. I had some other key words that also held this word for me: Rest, Initiate, Soften and Enough. I promise, i didn’t even know they spelt RISE until i sat with them a bit. So, between these various words, a theme came forward. Over the course of the year, each word was an extra dose of support. In the early part of the year, i took that time to slow down and rest as i was needed to tend to my children during the hardest part of the year. I didn’t push myself to try new things. I didn’t sign up for more than i had capacity for.

Then in the Spring, i started to notice what i was being called toward. I started to sign up for long-overdue projects and courses. I started to initiate more joy in my body and passion projects. Come summer (my favourite season if i had to pick one), i was ready to soften and bring pleasure in more mindfully. And now, as the year is winding down, i have been telling myself that i am enough. My work is enough, my good is good enough, my effort is enough.

I love how these words hold meaning for my life. They hold me accountable as i find them connected to my values, and what is important to me in order to live my life with love.

This is why the word of the year practice is so grounding for me.

I also wanted to take a moment to reflect on the year under the umbrella of Mind Body Soul alchemy. This balance is so important as it connects us to our deeper meaning. It also shows us what is necessary to heal or hold.

Mind
Wow, did i ever read a lot. I read books for pleasure, as a way to escape, as a way to focus, and to learn. I also took several long coveted courses to better myself as a therapist. I enrolled in a sex therapy course that i have wanted to take since i did my undergrad at University of Guelph in 1998. Talk about a bucket-filling accomplishment! I’m so excited about this endeavour. It has been such a gift for me as i diver deeper in supporting people with their sexual selves. I also did some great somatic-based therapy courses. One was with Peter Levine. He is like the grandpa i never had. I was so honoured to see him live (via Zoom of course) in action, versus a recording or for a short talk. It was icing on the cake that he co-lead this 2 day training on sexual trauma with Kimberly Ann Johnson, one of my mentors. Finally,I am enrolled in a year-long deep dive in Sensorimotor Psychotherapy and am really into this as we are looking deeper at the impact of attachment trauma on the body.

I made a point to not enrol in too many courses, but rather balance my learning in other ways as well. This commitment to Rise with my work was because it was my first full year as a full-time private practice therapist. So i took on new challenges: i was a podcast guest (take a listen HERE and HERE if you’d like), i started supervising new therapists and an amazing group program for survivors, as well as a guest speaker in several amazing conferences and courses. This work excites me as it is based on the community work as a feminist therapist.

Not everything has been challenging my mind for work purposes. I have been playing with new ways to have a Beginner’s Mind in my creativity. I have been learning how to play with polymer’s clay to make jewelry. And, i have intentionally been giving my mind rest from unnecessary overwhelm and busy-ness. I’m so grateful i learned the concepts of ‘continuous partial attention’ and ‘soft fascination’ this year!

Body
Dance has been a big part of my life since i could walk as a toddler. It has become even more of an anchor these past 2 years. I have used it as the foundation to help me embody pleasure and joy. I have not been in a yoga class or any in-person community these last 2 years, and i really miss it. I definitely see the benefit of sharing space with others for our nervous systems. I am grateful for shared laughter with neighbours who i am close to, and a hearty chat with a friend on a walk. Recently, i went out with friends for a big dinner out and it was the decadent treat my body and soul needed.

As i have been saturating myself with all things Pleasure this year, i also have been playing more with my own sexual self; i treated myself to some new toys. I also have been tracking my responses to things by listening to my body and what it needs. This has been somewhat transformative as it is really showing me that i can ‘widen my window’ simply by tracking my capacity in a given moment.

One resource that i have been working on is my own breath. A few years ago, BREATHE was my word of the year, and yet i didn’t do it justice. This year, i have been listening to the guidance of Amy Kuretsky and her teachings of breathwork. I also took a course with Annie Bray recently and it further solidified my practice. As a moon lover, following the moon’s rhythm has been a landing even more firmly in this practice.

Soul
After years of playing on the surface of my soul, i now am ready to go a bit deeper. I have been noticing a calling to me. I’m not quite sure what it is, but i know its related to some inner work and reclaiming my feminine self. As i’m on the cusp of this change, the next step in my spiral path will possibly take me to do some goddess soul-searching work. I’m ready and also after this past year, i feel like this work is necessary. I’m excited about this so stay tuned!

Tending to my soul includes Rituals – everyday ones like a burning candle or a morning coffee in the garden. Big ones like honouring holidays and seasons. During the darkest days of lockdown, it was the rituals that kept us afloat. These rhythms that reminded me of my resilience. These are the practices of “soul vitamins” that i cherish.

Another way i nourish my soul is through community. As this was strained this year, i had to work hard at keeping these connection and doses of soul vitamins. Something i did for first time this year was share my card reading ritual. I gifted a reading for a friend’s 50th birthday; i read to friends at an All Hallow’s Eve party; i shared a few readings with community online. This was such a lovely way of sharing more of me, it felt like honouring my calling. As i dive into some Goddess Archetype work, this practice will be a big anchor for me.

Since we were home so much, we took this time to do some home renovations. Some were long overdue necessities, others were painful (read this journal for a reminder!). All were gifts for me soul, as they showed for me how nourished i feel at home. It really is a sanctuary for me. Now that i work almost exclusively from home, this work was even more important. Working from home has its own list of both/and so making some changes helped me keep that balance and boundary that i need to stay within my window.

As i spoke above already, having a word that anchors my year is especially supportive for my soul. This year, i feel like i met my words of RISE – rest initiate soften enough. Now i’m ready for what comes in 2022, and i am holding my place in the unknown.

My words for next year are almost ready. This gentle practice holds space for my feelings and dreams. I am putting the finishing touches on my guide Reflections of the Year booklet. If you want to learn more about this process, you can join me by signing up for my newsletter – the link is here. My next journal will share more about this ritual.

Here’s for another spin around the sun.

Rise into a New Year

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It’s 12 days into 2021. Today is the first New Moon of 2021 so a perfect time to look at the year ahead, with a strong back and soft heart. I’m still not convinced i feel the shift of a new year yet. So much lingers from last year: My kids are doing remote-learning from home as all school-age children are in my province; Covid cases are at a drastic high; and the cold winter days make it hard to feel in contact with nature.

And yet we press on. Because we are resilient and because we have to. It’s not easy, and i know my version is easier than most – I’m in a secure relationship with my partner, I have worked consistently during the pandemic, and we are healthy. Some of my resilience and reality comes from privilege, white privilege namely, as well as living in Canada.

I am also privileged because i am a therapist who is resourced with tools to take care of my mental health. Most of the time i know what to do. As an imperfect human, there are times that my humanness during the pandemic gets in the way of my Therapist Part. Most of the time, I’m okay with that. I have learned that my reflection and response to my children when in conflict is as important to being perfectly regulated in the first place. I am not always perfectly regulated because, well, Covid. And being attuned to my own body’s needs is a relatively new tool. I am modelling for them and for my own Inner Child that apology for snapping at them, or being inpatient is not their fault, nor is it mine. It’s because I’m stretched thin and needing to rest. Rest that does not come easily these days.

So i use the energy and guidance of the moon to help set a pace for me. I am slowly down my to-do list this week and giving myself permission to not be productive. There is no need to rush ahead.

I’m not a fan of New Year’s Resolutions as they set us up to fail, compete, and produce. Rather, i sit and take stock inwards, and listen to what is aligning within me. I also sit with what the collective needs, and what is moving me forward instead of staying stuck.

Each year, i have been reflecting on the year that was and planning intentions for the year about to begin. This help me set guideposts of intentions for my coming year. This ritual also helps me get a sense of how to pace myself and live my life fully. Like many of us, 2020 threw me a for a loop. I sat with core words like reflect, rest, reset, intention, strength, safety, empathy, and encourage. And while all the words sounded good, they just didn’t speak to what my body was quietly and consistently whispering.

In the final months of 2020, i saw where i was able to show up for myself, my family and community. I also saw where that was harder for me. I came face to face with my needs and realities and did an evaluation of what was at the core for me.

For instance, i love to learn, both personal courses like learning how to do macrame, as well as professional development. And yet, when i continue to be a perpetual student, i don’t always have the energy to step into the learning and allow time for a new role to emerge. After several courses in 2020 (i think it was a record high of 12), i am taking a pause and stepping sideways.

I rise.

I am stepping into the wings of the emergent butterfly, the phoenix using from the ashes of 2020, and of the moon showing its wisdom in all its phases.

I don’t mean I’m going to rise and and claim space that is not mine, or even to assume I’m an expert, but rather rise my head up high and take what is mine to feel proud of. To not stay quiet, to walk with an embodied dignity, grace, and confidence. This is what my core essence is speaking to, to calling me towards.

“Just like moons and like suns with the certainty of tides, just like hopes springing high, still i RISE” Maya Angelou

I rise as a white woman who wants to do the hard work of addressing and challenging white supremacy.
I rise as a feminist who is a mother raising feminists and co-conspirators for change
I rise as an adult who wants to be wild, free, and fully human
I rise as a woman who wants to embody her feminine strength
I rise as a therapist who knows, shares, and loves working with people to heal from trauma
I rise as a human who is working on healing her Inner Child Part who wants to Play
I rise as a being who is attuning to her mind body soul
I rise as a partner who is working on her reactions versus seeping knowing around what she needs in the moment
I rise as a leader who has been doing work on healing trauma and gender-based violence for over 20 years
I rise as the imperfect person who believes that change is possible

What does that mean? Well, stay tuned for some exciting projects i have in the works. For now, there are two things i want to share with you.

Reflections of the Year Guidebook
First, i created a workbook to help you find your word, goals, or dreams for 2021. After years of doing others, i compiled and created a guidebook that speaks to me. It’s a 14 page booklet that you can get and use for yourself. All you have to do is – click the link to get your own free copy!

Secondly, the other word that kept coming to me was REST. Rest my mind body soul after the hard year of 2020. Honour the need for us all to rest, as we learned that more than anything, we need to rest during collective trauma, not be productive worker bees. Yes, we can pivot and work from home, but should we? I definitely didn’t want the blurred lines of work and home balance.

Then, i made a connection to something else that is near and dear to me – supporting women who have experienced abuse and trauma. A big part of my work journey to now has been supporting women (many who are parents) who have developmental trauma and/or experienced intimate partner violence. As the trauma impacts all aspects of who they are, it’s no surprise that parenthood has been made even challenging.

So, I give you REST – Resources for Empowerment and Support after Trauma.

No one else can empower someone. Each of us has capacity to be resilient and heal after trauma. This is at the essence of post-traumatic growth. We cannot do this work in isolation or alone. This is where collective healing comes into fruition.

This has been a big part of my individual support to people, and I’m excited to see where this chapter takes me next. As community is so important to me, I hope to foster a community via groups, webinars, and some other intentional sharing of resources. I have been sitting in stillness and have had my thoughts lead me to some great ideas! So, stay tuned for more articles, resources, and programs coming up later this year…