I have been dancing with perimenopause for the past few years. Having had my period since i was 9 years old, i assumed i would reach menopause earlier, mainly because i never would have guessed to have my menstrual flow for over 4o years. Forty years. Clearly, this is something i am meant to know intimately, to be an expert in, to embrace even. I am learning that maybe having my moon bleed each month is one of my talents, or something i know intimately well. This year, i have bled twice, when i was convinced it would be my last year, as i am in my 5oth year on Earth.

Each month that i have shed this year so far has been a lesson in patience, surrender, and reflection. This month, i bled unsurprisingly at a women’s festival where i was in the country, on sacred land, with 250 other women. Oh, and i was guiding women through a menopause circle while bleeding.

And it’s a full moon as i write this, while still bleeding. It’s been told that those of us that bleed with a new moon do so because they have something to learn and reflect on. Those of us like me, for many full moons over the years, bleed with the full moon as act of mediumship, shaman work to teach others something.

I think this is the lesson i am gleaning from this recent bleed: What has been lighting me up these last few years is the metaphor and guidance of cyclical living, of the moon phases and seasons that spiral. I think i’m meant to dive deeper into this knowledge to teach others about this connection of the moon phases, our menstrual cycle, the seasons and our own feminine archetypes. It’s all connected.

I love when I can see that I am exactly where I’m supposed to be. Whenever I am wavering, I look at the moon or the seasons as a guide. Now in my season of perimenopause, the maps and cycles have given me such guidance, care and reminders. Perimenopause is the beginning of an initiation into elderhood. It is a portal where the veil that hides us from deeper truth is removed.

Marion Woodman coined the term Virgin as the time between Mother and Crone, when women can reclaim being whole onto ourselves. Others call in Mage, Queen, Wild Woman. Whatever the term, i am so here and ready for this archetype. The triple goddess story does not reflect our human existence anymore. We have a whole season between earlier motherhood years and cronedom. This is the space, the liminal, the inbetween. The ages of 40 – 55 are when we typcially go through perimenopause, and we are definitely not early mothers nor are we old yet.

Perimenopause is a hormonal as well as spiritual experience, an awakening and possible transformation. It is a portal as it is an initiatory gateway so that we can hold the opposites of who we are and who we were meant to become. The soul journey is the blueprint for us before the imprint of our life got in the way. We get to course correct even month with our shedding (menstrual time) and when we miss this experience, the luteal stage reveals our biggest truths and wantings. Sure, we have reframed it at “PMS” but it is in fact our deepest truth waiting not so patiently for os to get back on track. When others call is pre-menstrual it’s because our mood and behaviour is confronting a story or need they have at our expense.

We need to remove the veil that has been placed before us, and step into the portal. In the wise words of Jane Hardwick Collings, this includes rescuing the menopause story from the dungeon of patriarchy. I was so honoured to be in her company when she came to my city recently, to sit together and marinate in her wisdom and impassioned embodiment about all this menstruation.

“In order to reclaim our full selves, to integrate each of these aspects through which we pass over the course of our lives, we must first learn to embrace them though our cycles.” ~ Lucy H. Pearce

When we know more about our bodies, we are empowered. We are strong. We remember.