Trust Them

My son broke his elbow recently. It was a big learning moment for us, and not just because we now know how to heal a broken elbow, and to not dance with slippery socks on a coffee table, but because i absolutely trusted him when he said that it was bad and he needed to go to the hospital.

This is bone #4 that he has broken in 4 years – yes, one every school year so far. The first one he was in shock and it was the school secretary who had to gently urge us to check it out. By now, and after stitches as well as those above-mentioned bone breaks, he knows to tell me “I’m okay” immediately after a fall or injury. Or “mom, i need help” – this time was the first time that he said it and i knew that he meant it was serious. I didn’t have to stop and question what happened or convince ourselves that going to emerg on a Sunday night at 8pm was not necessary.

I’m not one to think so well on an instinct. When it usually comes to fight or flight mode, i’m a Freezer (is that a word in this context?) but this time – oh i was Mama on Fire. I tended to him, got him ready, packed a bag with snacks, books, and water, got his health card ready and told my partner that it was time to take him to the hospital no. questions. asked.

All because i trusted that my son knew what his body was telling him.

I’ve been reading the book Whole Brain Child again. It’s a great book – small and full of info about how brain development impacts how children connect to their world. As a young child who has now had a fair share (more than their fair share in fact) of injuries and trauma that connects to it, my son is struggling with how to feel safe and still have joy in the things he loves. A part of me wants to cover him in bubble wrap, but what i really want is to push him to keep taking risks and feeling confident that i will there when he falls. And to trust himself first. Notice how i didn’t say, i will catch him when he falls? Because i know that’s not possible now, and he still calls for me.

The time since the latest cast, and i’m sure not the last, we have snuggled more, talked more about feelings and fears, and we are still a work in progress when it comes to being on top of our feelings. But my son knows i have his back (and elbow, ankle and collarbone), and that’s what matters most.

A New Year, A New Word

Happy New Year! I’m not one for resolutions as i worry about the pressure and unrealistic goals. But i do like traditions and ways to stay motivated. I benefit from having goals that guide me and keep me accountable to myself.

Each year, we chronicle our days and weeks. I usually write in a journal – it can be a quick note of gratitude or an exercise aligned with the moon cycle. As a family, we mark each week with a Memory Jar. I know there are a lot of traditions and rituals. So it helps to find ones that work for you.

If you have been thinking of something to do to chronicle your year, it’s not too late! I compiled a list of my favourites. Most of them are free apps or worksheets you can print and do to you heart’s content.

Here are some of them:

Practice You
This is my current journal and i am Loving it. It is beautiful, special and a great guide. I am using it daily, as a way to close my day. The writer also created a free Mapping workplan for 2018, that is based on this journal.

Many Moons
Another great journal and moon book. It comes in 6-month books and documents the major moon cycles of each month. The author did a wonderful job putting together some journal prompts and guides. The book covers things in your personal life, things from your past, goals for the future as well as things that are bigger than you – and connects us together.

The Desire Map and Core Desired Feelings
This is a great tool that helps you unpack some dreams and wishes you have, to make your life the way you would really like. I do the annual Core Desired Feelings/Word. Last year it was Breathe and i worked hard on it. It came in handy when my kids were testing my patience, and when i knew i needed time to myself to catch my breath. It’s still a work in progress, so it was a great intention to set for myself.

This year, my word is LOVE for myself, for my children (especially when they are testing my patience), quality time with my love, giving love to my village, and doing things i love. I am working on choosing love when my kids are getting me frustrated, and being more intentional with giving myself the love i give to others.

Unravel Your Year
I have down this workbook for 4 years now. It’s great, and time consuming. So commit to some time to yourself – a long bath, at a coffee shop, after kids’ bedtime for instance. It’s a nice lesson in giving ourselves the time we give others, and to slow down and reflect, pause and be mindful.

Permission Slip
We of course need to work on giving ourselves the same permission we give others – to be less then perfect and to be human. I love how Brene Brown speaks about this. You can actually write a permission slip as we got in school, and put it in your pocket as a reminder.

Mothering Arts has a great list of ideas to help your family reflect on the year that just finished. You can download the template and discuss your highlights some day this week. There are others online for sure, but i really appreciate the gentle approach of this one.

And here is a further great list of 11 things you can do as a family. It’s never too late to start a new tradition and to be intentional with your plans each year. It’s a mindful way of living your life as close to how you want to. Nothing is perfect, and we can still aim to have the life we want.